What’s the Big Deal?

By Janice Lane Palko

It was always the second Saturday in July. When I was small, I looked forward to it, but when I became a teenager, I wondered what was the big deal? Why did my paternal grandmother, Agnes Moran Lane, make such a fuss about it? For goodness’ sake, it was only a picnic at North Park, a family reunion with her, her siblings, and their offspring. But if you talked about skipping it for a baseball game, a date, or vacation, she reacted as if she had been stabbed in the heart. Therefore, in the interest of family harmony, we never missed the reunion.

For several years I taught memoir writing classes at CCAC, and it was while I was compiling some of the course material for a book on the subject to sell on Amazon, that I came across a picture that I selected for the cover when I realized something. 

The photo is of my Grandma Aggie when she was about 14. She’s sitting in a lawn chair with a book in Wisconsin. Grandma was one of eight children. I’m not sure of her exact birth order, but I think she was the fourth or fifth child. When she was 12, her father, Michael Moran, a Pittsburgh policeman and fireman, (can’t get more stereotypical Irish than that!) died. I don’t know why she was selected, probably because the older children were able to work and help the family and the ones who were younger were too small to leave home, nevertheless my grandma was sent to live with an aunt and uncle who had no children in Wisconsin.

I never realized how hard that must have been for her, to be ripped from a large family, until one day when she was in her 80s and we heard a train whistle. She then revealed that she used to hate the sound of train whistles because it was a train that took her to Wisconsin. She said for many years the sound of a train whistle gave her a stomachache every time she heard one because she was so homesick. Happily, after a few years, she was able to return to Pittsburgh, but all those decades later, she still recalled that sense of loss. 

There have been a lot of articles published recently touting how it may be beneficial for people to “divorce” family members over differing viewpoints. Talk about first-world problems. Before our society became so affluent, the family was your lifeline. They were your social safety net. They provided you with the support needed for your survival from the material to the emotional. 

While the current culture may think that family relationships, especially sibling ones, are disposable, when you look below the veneer of wealth, being close with your brothers and sisters is beneficial to you, and it becomes even more so in your old age. 

Your sibling relationship, in all likelihood, is the longest relationship of your life, outlasting that of the ones you share with your parents, spouse, or children. 

When you ask AI if sibling relationships are beneficial in old age, it summarizes a host of articles and studies with this conclusion: 

Sibling relationships in old age are highly beneficial, acting as a crucial source of emotional support, security, and companionship that combats loneliness and improves well-being. As lifelong connections, they provide stability and shared history when spouses or friends pass away. Warm relationships reduce depression and anxiety, while close bonds can improve cognitive health.

So, I understand now. Grandma knew something. That family reunion really was a big deal.