The Gift that Keeps on Giving

By Janice Lane Palko

If you had grandparents growing up, do you remember any gift they bought you when you were a child? Until I was 12, I had two great-grandparents and three grandparents living, and I tried to remember the gifts they had given me. All I could come up with was a pink pillow shaped like a guitar one of my grandmas gave me for Christmas and a pair of tights another grandma gave me when I was about 11 that looked like support hose or something Ruth Buzzi would wear when she played Gladys Ormphby. They were so ghastly in an era when fishnet stockings were popular, that they have been fixed in my memory. 

I recall they often gave us quarters to get an ice cream cone on the way home after a visit. (Yes, a Dairy Queen cone cost 25 cents back then.) They also gave us candy or brought doughnuts when they came for a visit, but outside of that, I really can’t remember too many of the gifts they gave us.

Did your grandparents take you anywhere? I don’t recall them ever taking me and my brothers and sister to the movies, the Ice Capades, or the unthinkable—a vacation. 

I’m not asking these questions to bemoan my childhood, but these questions were posed during an Instagram post I came across by Neil K. Shah, who is known as America’s Chief Elder Officer. A Johns Hopkins and NIH-funded caregiving researcher, his videos kept coming up on my Instagram, and he provides amazing insights on aging, health, caregivers, and family relationships.

He recently posted a video that stated researchers across cultures and generations have found that grandchildren do not remember gifts they’ve been given or places they’ve been taken, but what grandchildren do remember and "what shaped their emotional resilience and sense of security is the grandparent making the child feel like they are the most important person in the room. Those grandparents were fully present to their grandchildren. The most effective grandparents are simply there. Their attention is not on their cell phone but on their descendants.”

I believe the research is correct. Looking back over my childhood, I fortunately had lots of that undivided attention with my grandparents. Among my numerous memories, I can recall watching Charlie Chan movies with my maternal grandma, watching my great grandmother show me how to make homemade noodles, or playing Crazy 8s or checkers with my paternal grandma. This even goes beyond grandparents, I believe. I can recall my bachelor Uncle Bill being on the floor with us and building cabins with our Lincoln Logs.

So, if you love your grandchildren, as I do, you’ll be mindful to give them the best gift, a real gift —you. Give your grandchildren your time, your full attention, a piece of yourself. It will be the best gift ever and will be one that keeps on giving long after you’re gone.