Keeping the Old While Embracing the New

By:  Maura L. Johnson

On the morning of November 22, 2018, I awoke with a sense of heaviness, much different than any Thanksgiving morning in years past. Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays, surpassing Christmas, even in childhood. I let my family know I was going out for a quick drive for a coffee at the nearby and ever-reliable (read: open) Sheetz. What I didn’t mention, however, was the pain of experiencing this “first” Thanksgiving in a completely new way was completely overwhelming to me. I began driving towards my aunt’s empty house, turning onto her street and into her driveway, the same driveway once filled with our family’s cars. As I sat there on that cold morning, I came to the stark realization that this cherished tradition was no longer part of our lives. And while I could accept this at face value, I couldn’t imagine that morning going by without pulling into that driveway one last time. 

     While the holidays often bring a sense of joy, togetherness and spirit, many are also coping with grief and readjustment. When we lost my aunt in 2018, and then my maternal grandmother in 2019, the need for togetherness was stronger than ever. This has looked like changing locations while continuing to make the same recipes they always included in their Thanksgiving meals. The first year, my other aunt held the annual Thanksgiving at their hunting camp in Medix Run, PA. While there was certainly a sense of sadness in the air, we found great comfort in being together, sharing memories and eating those same foods. Each year, the place may change but the people, food and shared experiences remain the same. 

     Traditions tie us together in many ways, often being what we treasure (or sometimes dread, if we’re being honest) about the holiday season. With one constant in life being change, eventually we find ways to adapt these to our changing families, locations and/or beliefs. Changing them can feel overwhelming and we may find ourselves resistant to do so. First, normalize and accept these feelings; it’s completely okay to grieve what was and experience resistance. Second, consider how you may be able to merge the old with the new in an effort to continue honoring what is important to you. This can look like continuing to make family recipes, engaging in your favorite childhood pastimes with your own children, taking trips or engaging in any of the many holiday-themed activities available. And finally, should you find yourself experiencing grief and loss during this season, it’s also okay to take a step back from holiday pressures and honor what feels manageable during this time. Wishing everyone a wonderful holiday season and a Happy New Year!