Resolutions for Your Marriage

By Robert and Michele Tedder

As we ring in the New Year, we begin to reflect on the year that has passed and resolve to begin fresh with new ideas and habits. Some people resolve to lose weight for the 12th year in a row, others resolve to make more money or better manage the money they currently have and still others decide to do an extreme life makeover, vowing to completely overhaul every aspect of themselves in six months or less.

For those who are married, the start of a New Year is a good time to make resolutions that can enhance your relationship. Whether you had a great year or one you would rather forget, a New Year can ignite a desire to forge ahead to bigger and better things.  Perhaps you’ve been feeling like your communication could improve. Maybe you would like to create a little more romance.  Others may desire more quality time together.  No matter what you desire, 2009 can be your year to get more of what you want from your relationship. The following are some ways that may prove helpful in creating a new and improved relationship in the New Year.

Affirm each other daily – Kind words and compliments go a long way and make your partner feel special.

Commit to communicate – Set aside time each day to talk and listen to one another.  Remember there is a difference between talking and communicating.  Real communication requires more listening and less talking.

Pledge to resolve conflict – When disagreements occur, make a decision to never end the day without bringing closure to the matter, even if you agree to disagree.

Seek clear understanding of your partner’s needs - Don’t be afraid to ask your partner what he/she needs the most and how they would prefer to have those needs met.  Don’t assume you already know. Evaluate how well both partners’ needs are being met.

Practice assertiveness – Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want and need. Make a wish list of things you want your partner to do more often and allow your partner time to respond. Change may not happen overnight but is likely to occur over time.

Enhance your intimacy – Intimacy does not begin in the bedroom.  True intimacy happens throughout the day. By attending to your mate emotionally on a daily basis, you create an environment for physical intimacy later. Openly and honestly discuss your intimacy needs.

Develop financial compatibility –   Acknowledge differences in spending and saving philosophies. Discuss short term and long term financial goals and develop a plan for how you will meet them. Agree to a budget. Seek debt counseling if necessary.

Invest time into your relationship – Schedule quality time with your mate on a regular basis. Pick a date night that is off limits to anyone other than each other. Explore new leisure activities that you can mutually enjoy.

Any resolutions will take time and consistency to see results. Be realistic in your expectations of one another and commit to working towards your goals until they are reached.  Take one step at a time and never give up. Allow for lapses and focus on the positive. Persistence will result in a happier, healthier relationship in the New Year.

Rev. Robert Tedder, MSW, Executive Director of Reach Up, Inc. and the Minister of Counseling  at Union Baptist Church of Swissvale, is a licensed social worker with 18 years of clinical experience. A graduate of Duquesne University and the University of Pittsburgh, he is an adjunct instructor at the University of Pittsburgh, Site Coordinator for TWOgether Pittsburgh and a marriage coach for The Marriage Works.

A. Michele Tedder, MS, RN is the Community Health Coordinator for the Pediatric Environmental Medicine Center.  She also has an 18 year history at Western Psychiatric Institute and Clinic as a nurse clinician and mental health and wellness community educator. She is graduate of the University of Pittsburgh and Indiana University of Pennsylvania. Michele is an author, regional speaker and experienced in the areas of adolescent depression and suicide and community education.

The Tedders are the co-founders of Transformational Living (formerly Household Ministries), a marriage, family and life wellness educational outreach program, and have been married 23 years. They live in White Oak and have three children, Robyn, Ryan and Ross.

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